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Letting negativity get to you, can be very bad. Crippling! The best thing you can do is learn your lesson, and then move on! When I finish college, I will move on and find work. My boy Dan thinks, I will be helping people for a living. That sounds GREAT!
I’ll work for any charity or organization! I have a student loan to pay off, and a name to change! Not to mention, I will pursue my dreams of stardom! I’m losing weight, and my goal will be pleasing!
God, life will pass you by if you don’t live your dreams. After a good meal, I think I will be ready to move on! My clothes are coming in, and I may just dye my hair in a couple days! I have books to buy, and lot’s to look forward to! I may buy Rupaul's new album, if I can get it used. And maybe I'll buy Divine's greatest hits!!!
Since a new college semester is going to happen soon, I decided to get into reading much more. Even if it meant, reading for fun:
The Path Of The Green Man: Gay Men, Wicca and Living a Magical Life
I am so looking forward to reading this book!!! I just need to find a copy of it, and Amazon can provide for that! Yeah. I already read the 1st chapter on Google Books. I think this book will help in my self-growth. I hope to read more book from gay authors?
http://books.google.com/books?id=fcYSsnfOHbEC&dq=The+Path+Of+The+Green+Man:+Gay+Men,+Wicca+and+Living+a+Magical+Life&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=6fQepUupVi&sig=8bOTA1efTAg3KQLKKKkJoyAMzZM&hl=en&ei=1Z9ISqLTEI-eswO-0f2QAQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=3
The man on the cover. He's beautiful.
In the process of my recovery, I have realized that not all things are what they seem… Be careful of liars, because they will appear as friends –who do favors for you- and then they will backstab you.
I have had quite a bitchy past few years, and I have come a long way through fighting evil, and controversy. You have got to be who you are, if you want to be happy. I’ll make this very brief:
May to August 08 – I went through a hellish summer college break. I dealt with idiocy and prejudice from family members. I don’t trust them.
August to December 08 – I stopped talking to them. I was going to make this permanent, but I needed money. Basically I left my church, and my parents tried to force back into the congregation.
January 09 – I stand as who I am!!! I reunited with them, and any perception they have of me, is not my concern.
But there is so much hate, which I have gotten from all past experiences. It has confined me. Shelled me in, so that I am currently struggling to break free. I am a free person, but I know the struggle of ignorance. I am trying to break free from all human evil, which I call ignorance….
My breaking process is painful, since I’ve had to deal with so many truths about myself. None of us are normal, and we all have strange sides to ourselves. Be careful of false people, for they will use this to their advantage. Everyone is not alike.
There are no opposites, but only right and wrong. Light and darkness are just words. I love the dark; it’s beautiful for me..!
This blog is inspired by a celebrity that revealed his original persona.
Check out link here:
http://erikrhodes.blogspot.com/2008/03/taking-look-from-step-back.html
In my view, no one can tell you who you are. You have to discover that? Lately I have been trying to keep positive and happy. I just finished a good 3 solid semesters, of college and I am brain drained! I’m not happy with my name. 1st off, I can’t pronounce it w/o feeling embarrassed. 2nd, it doesn’t make any sense, its B.S. to me! I want a name which defines me! My current name doesn’t!
I think that any American should change their name if they want to. My whole purpose of a name change, is to find inner peace and get closer to the real me! I am not my ethnicity, and I hate when people ask me about it. Why would I make friends with every French person, because I’m French also?! I think ethnic people take this way too damn seriously!
In my view, Asians and Pacific Islanders blame whites for prejudice, but they won’t admit to their own! They especially have a problem with Americans, which are Asian/Pacific Islander. Why? Because these people are from a free country, and exist in a Western type culture. America is for the free, and if you love being an American than more power to you! But to most ethnics, it will always be a white man’s land.
Sadly, this philosophy turns into hate for whites, Westerners, Caucasians and Americans everywhere. All Americans are of the same nationality. This runs into a problem for me too. My name means several things in many ethnic cultures. I hate when people ask me if I’m Pacific Islander or Hindu? Why? Because of a last name, or they want to see me as something I’m not.
I’m not brown skinned, I’m beige and that isn’t even brown in the slightest. It’s pastel.
At college this person once asked me flat is out if I was Tongan or Samoan? She said it was because; many Polynesians were trying to figure out if I was? 1st off bitch, thanks for giving me two options to pick from!!! What hinted that I was even a Polynesian in the 1st place? This bitch, just confirmed to me, that some people only care about ethnicity and not that a person is a human being.
I’m Caucasian with a strange name. I can’t wait to get my name changed! This name change will help define me more as my own person. I am not this current name…
Important dates for me to remember:
March 3rd, 14th and 19th. The latter is a special day for me, since all was resolved. Thank you.
2006 is truly a significant year for me. It symbolizes the gate between my past and the fantastic/horrid future! So much trials are happening to me! God bless all, my Angels who go through shit?! Life ain't easy or fair!
December 4 and 15th. These were tough times for me. It was the introduction to growth and learning. God truly began to test me with endless pains... I can honestly say my problems aren't that bad, but it's the psychological trauma, which disturbs me.
All people -in my view- are insane. Either we are abnormal or have abnormal qualities. The biggest pain to society is religion. They dictate what is normal. When in reality, their rules only put you in jeopardy. Stick in there my Angels, I know I am.
Why is it that so much info on this subject is hidden? I don't think all al's look unique! Some pics I've seen are disgusting, and the people look more like forms of mutations!!! I know someone who has very pale beige skin. He is not white all around, but his skin can only handle so much sun!
It looks like he has a top layer of beige tone, and then nothing but white underneath! One time he spent too many months in the sun, and later on his skin pealed off, which looked burnt. Sometimes he really does feel sun-pain under the sun. It's horrible! Noxema is the secret of soothing sun burn.
This person looks very handsome, but very white at times. His skin actually looks grey at times! I wish doctors would stop advertising such common crappy knowledge about albinism, and just dig deeper into the subject? Maybe then, my friend can understand why he suffers in the sun?I think that Michael Jackson is kinda making a point in his Black & White song. Our bodies are only holders for out essence, and then we are gone. So who cares, if you want to change your appearance?
Besides this, let's spicen up this post with some boys!!!
Paganism is compared to many aspects. Greeks and Romans compare to Azna. Worldwide it has endless meanings. In my view, Paganism is the channeling of spiritual energy from the land. I believe that all living things have a stamina, which will turn into something else when it goes away. Not all humans have souls...some will die and evaporate or turn into something else, like dust or a planet???
I love incense, and nature scented candles. I'm not opposed to lab made products. Holistic products can attract swarms and pests...since they contain edible herbs and so forth... I love scents like:
Bergamot
Lavender
Lemon
Vanilla
Berry
Mirth
Tangerine
etc.
After reading the blogs from my idols, I have come to realize that the Universe is telling me to chill! I just read Jason Ridges blog, and he is working on his well being! God! I have to work on mine! Attending college has been hard! Especially being openly gay, and having to work twice as hard to get good grades. I am hauntingly discriminated for who I am, because the truth will always set you free!
At my school, there a very few people who are out like I am! The rest, will diss gays anytime! Shit happens, and you don't have to clean it up! The truth is, I've been feeding myself earth knowledge, and virtually spending no time on my soul. I have to work on that! My online pics haven't been updated on eons, and I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. In the next two weeks, I have to make an important decision. Am I going to take some pics of myself soon. Instead of wearing makeup, I will wear tinted moisturizer!
I need to relax my hair as well!
I have to confess, that I don't like Blake! The whole point of gays finding God, is that they realize that God isn't confined by chapels and religion, regardless of what miracles, which they may witness. Yet the man HAD to go back to his hometown church, to find himself?! I think he's a fake, who happens to be just another closet-cased Fundamentalist, who hates what God created. A Homosexual. I'm more than happy, that Flex Deon Blake has moved on.
Who needs this man?! Another lost soul... There is no hell, and no guilt. Just lies. This is why gays should never be afraid to die. Why? Because a religion teaches about a vengeful jealous God, who sends sinners to hell? God is All-Loving, so don't worry about it. Sin is misery, deception, lies and hate. Not being who you are.
It's almost like Bobby is saying that being gay is wrong, and that God is just putting him through it, for a lesson. In other words, he won't be gay when he dies. He even writes about his gay brothers and their "struggle"! I feel sorry for him!
I can see why the presence of Roman Heart, Jason Ridge, Erik Rhodes, Jason Crew and many other gay porn stars are needed in the limelight right now. Some things are slowly trying to oppose us, and stop what Heavenly Father has made: Beautiful Homosexual Males. Forever... We are Angels!!! Endure the pain and maddness of the world, so that we can evolve. I love you!
Well my hair is brown-red right now, and I just got my L'oreal Colorist Collection (Walnut) Shampoo! Well the snow has melted in my home town and I think that is cool. Summer is a lot of fun in my hometown! The town I’m in, is kind of depressing..! This town has no known stores! Basically, I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone!
Final exams are going great!
To be honest, I NEVER colored my hair brown! I have always gone for red or blonde. I was brown once, since I wanted to cover my burgundy hair! But I only did that once! I never touched up the color! But that era was depressing, since my hubbie was far away in another country! So that always brings back bitter memories!
My friend Mark, wants me to post my Dream on my blog! The dream explains my Dessert Life Period!
I will dye my hair violet-black soon. It would help if there were beauty supply stores nearby, but there isn’t! I’ll check online and see? Nothing I found nothing! I will have to spend much more for dye online!
Well it is nearly the end half of 2009, and I can’t believe it! A lot has happened in my life, and I have grown so much. My Dessert Life Period has evolved to great heights. I have grown so that I’m not so afraid of dumb things, which stood in my path like before! To be honest, fighting for gay rights in my town has been tough. I’m the only one, who fights for us, and I get no support in return. I’m only human, and I refuse to clean up after closet cases who won’t join me! The nerve of these people to ask for my best wishes in their hetero marriages, when they are miserable living in the closet. Fuck that! I don’t think so! Everything is all up to me, and I get fed up with it! What are these closet cases going to do, when I leave this town?! I truly wish they would wake the fuck up, and I pray about that! I’m sick of it! To be honest, if I EVER have to witness one of my gay friends –under religious pressures- choosing to go back into the closet ever again, then I may just faint and never wake up! What are they so afraid of?! Personally, I have a go to hell attitude. What I do with my life, is no one’s concern! If you are one of the closet cases, then I TRULY DON’T FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!!! You get what you settle for in life, and you dig your own grave everyday! You know that, as well as I do! I DO NOT FEEL SORR FOR YOU! YOU DUG YOUR OWN GRAVE!!!!
