Blackout baby!!!

Last night right after I posted No Greater, I had an incident. My whole neighborhood blacked out! Thank god I just published my post! It was eerie walking to my bedroom in pitch black. I had a Twilight Zone moment and it freaked me out!

Since my fly fryer lost electricity –I have a plug in one- I was attacked endlessly by misquotes! God, one wouldn’t leave me alone for hours. It kept buzzing near me! I woke up with blood and dead mosquitoes on my bed. De Ja Vu once again!

God my post yesterday, was real deep… I had a real bad week, spent weeping. Find you rainbows people, find your rainbows. I know it’s hard and you won’t always understand, but God does…

“When we ask 'Why me, God' it's really because we don't believe God. Our belief system opposes God, so we feel singled out and victimized.”

Well I got my haircut at the salon, since my blonde highlights were getting on my nerves to no end! I hate platinum blonde, but I love pale beige!

I’m keeping my hair its natural color for a LONG TIME since I missed it! Instead of color treated shampoo, I will use regular shampoo for a long time! I’ll go red one day!

There is no Greater!

There is no greater
No, no, no, no, no
There's no greater love I've seen in my life
No no greater, greater

Oh, no, no
Oh Lord I praise Your name
For all the things You've done, oh

There's no greater
No greater love I've found than You, Lord
And all the things You've done for me
I'm so glad I've come to see
There's no greater
No greater love I've found than You, Lord
Your legs hurt and walked away
That's why you want me to be brave
There's no greater love
I found no greater love
There's no greater love
There's no greater
There's no greater, I know

He can move any mountain
And He can calm any sea
He can ease any troubled mind
He can give victory
I come to know
I've come to know
I've come to know
My heavenly father

I shed tears as I read this. I have been going through so much hell in the past 3 weeks, and things have been bad!

You are here: Life Challenges >> Why Me God

Why Me, God? - A Common Question
I'm sure you are asking, "Why me, God?" because something has happened that caused you to feel somehow singled out. Perhaps you feel that God must be punishing you for some reason. Why else would this be happening to you? Be assured. You are not alone. God has not abandoned you and He has not singled you out, no matter how you feel right now. Whatever you are going through, God's promise is that He will see you through and give you the strength and direction you need. God wants you to know that He understands how you feel, that He knows more about your situation than you do, and that He saw it coming before you did. Above all, He began to work on His resolution for you before you even knew to ask! The reality here is that God is for you. He is not against you.

Why Me, God? - An Erred Belief System
Our feelings of "Why me, God?" are real. They are based on real events, but our conclusions may not be accurate. While we don't want to minimize the pain you feel in any way, we do want to try to help you look more closely at why you feel singled out and whether or not you've arrived at a valid conclusion. The answers to why we conclude anything, even why we question God's intent or purpose in any event, can be found in our highly individualized network of beliefs.

We absorb our beliefs from our parents, teachers, life experiences, books, etc. Some of what we have come to believe may sound right, but in reality our views might be too narrowly defined or inaccurate. We have bought into many ideas and concepts that distort our right thinking and actually work against us. For example, we have learned untruths that cause us to live the role of the victim, either of circumstances or of our past. These erred beliefs cause us to cry out in pain, "Why me, Lord?"

God's answer is that we are not victims but victors. God has said that we can trust Him in everything and that every event in our lives should be counted as ALL joy (James 1:2). He has also told us that He will cause good to come out of every situation for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). When we ask "Why me, God" it's really because we don't believe God. Our belief system opposes God, so we feel singled out and victimized.

Most of us believe, at least on some level, that we need to understand everything. We just need to know why. When we don't, we may feel God has betrayed us in some way. In reality, it's not God who is confusing us or betraying us, it is our belief system. All those inconsistent, partially correct beliefs cause us to question God's fairness in what we are experiencing

My Dessert Trial –as a human- caused me to back up into a corner and grieve. But this really hit home with me! Right now I’m sterile and immovable. But I went through hell and I want to tell you all that Life is grand. I don't profess to learn the truth and preach it!

This is my own system of beliefs..! Yours can be different and that's fine!

There's no greater
No greater
No greater love I've found than You

Today I feel spiritual at all! God this holiday coming near, I will celebrate it alone... It's okay since I love life. I love strawberries! The best fruit! Sweet and tarty!
I love porn, but I can't find any I can truly approve on! I used to have this film called, The Flame. The reverse humping -skin slapping good time- that occurred from two gay older gentlemen, was enough for me to come all over myself!

I love amateur porn. High gloss, is okay! But I love skin slapping, boddy humping average men! Well I don't like overly glossy guys. But a clean guy is a must! I love Budget porn! Delish! I'll be dying my hair soon... I love horror films!

Naked guys!

I think that guys have a habit of being exhibitionists! They love getting naked for any reason at all! Every time I'm at a beach guys want to run around naked. They even wear transparent mesh shorts which fall showing their -oh so creamy smooth and sometimes haired- butt crack!
HOTT!
It's hot for me, since I love guys and all! Guys in sexy Speedos are always a must! I think that's why guys love walking around with their shirts off! It cools his body off and feels liberating! My boyfriend likes doing that, and I think he's very sexy!

Any gender should be able to exhibit themselves! This reminds me of Madonna’s Sex book! It really has nothing to do with what your mind suddenly thinks it's about! That's why the prologue states:

My name is Dita
I'll be your mistress tonight

It's about mind warp!
http://www.beautifulmadonna.com/sex.html

Trimspa Fuckers!!!

Now that Anna is dead, I know that my life needs some closure. Her tabloid Q&A and her life! I was not ready! But at the same time, may she rest in peace! Like my BODDY?!
Gosh, here’s another Shelly, you idiot diary entry from, XXX-Tina!

I was leaving a quick stop on the corner… Snack cakes in one pocket, insulin in the other. I walked on the pavement –with each step making a 5’9 on the richter scale- and allowed a building on the side of me to collapse!!! Hey fat ass, this boy yelled! I turned around and walked over to this kid, who had the nerve to call me, Shelly Kearns, a fat ass?!

Shelly: What did you say?
Boy: You dropped one of your snack cakes!
Shelly: That is beside the point! Do you know who I am?!
Boy: A lady with a high sugar level!
Shelly: I’m Shelly Kearns, the most downloaded woman in America!!!
Boy: Are you kidding me?!
Shelly: I single handedly control the minds of kids with my Live Daily propaganda!
Boy: Lady, you’re so fat, I bet it takes 3 modems for you to get through the internet?!
Shelly: You *bleep**bleep**bleep*mother *bleep*!

Just wait until I get my lawyer, then he’ll really be sorry!

Hey everybody! Well I had quite a day today. Jorge came over looking for Christina, to have sex with her. I told him she wasn’t here, but I was? He told me, he’d rather do it with the dog! But when I he looked out, it wasn’t there! So he came back crawling on his hands and knees, they always do!

And if you threw a party...

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly

Don't be afraid to fly
Don't be afraid to just fly
You, you've become a butterfly
Don't be afraid to just fly
Butterfly

God my Dessert Life Trial has taken another leap, and I hate it! Right now I’m pissed off, sad and sinned! Will this pain minus from my life? I know that God will take this despair from my life, but how long will the weight be?! It’s a crippling time for any individual. A friend once told me that, it’s for my own good, and that through my sins, I will learn about Truth…love, life, sex and Angels! Paradise is a better word!

Butterfly
Feel it fly
Fly away
Far far

Well I have no new makeup to brag about! I’m hoping for some cosmetics from Max Factor, Wet’n’Wild, as well as Cover Girl. Pray for me my angels cause I need it. Within my nerve and despair! We will prevail!!!!!

Fly away
Butterfly
Butterfly

Fly away
Butterfly
Butterfly

Fly away
Butterfly
Butterfly

Butterfly

…

X-mas Sexx!

Why's it so hard to love one another
Why's it so hard to love
Why's it so hard to love one another
Why's it so hard to love

Now that Thanksgiving is over...I have to endure the most stressful holiday this year. You should be thankful if you have True loving people to be around! This reminds me of December 2006! A very painful time for me! Most of my loved ones, turned against me, and I had to play pretend!!! They're not worhty of my praise!

But Christmas is a painful time for me! Until I can settle down, with a happy partner, I will survive. I'm a guy's guy! We handle pain different! Real love! I need loving! Oh well, I'm just glad that this shitty holiday lasts only 24 hours!
Starlight, star bright
Stay by my side tonight
What you do to me, baby
What you do, what you do to me, baby
Stay by my side tonight
tonight
tonight
tonight...

If I take you from behind
Push myself into your mind
When you least expect it
Will you try and reject it
If I'm in charge and I treat you like a child
Will you let yourself go wild
Let my mouth go where it wants to
Give it up, do as I say
Give it up and let me have my way
I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck
I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to ...
I'd like to put you in a trance, all over

For those who haven’t watched the Girlie Show, than shame on your punk hott asses! It’s the bomb! Over all I prefer the Fukuoka show! Although I love In This Life from the Australia show! It’s very sad and emotional!

I lost touch with Madonna when this show was released. I go on break with my idols. Even Rupaul, though it’s always very brief! Personally, I still didn’t get the point that Madonna usually puts on showy tours! So when I saw the fucking Australia backcover; all I ever saw was a girl in a tube top and jeans! I thought, LOUNGE SINGER!

Then centuries later I watched the show, and I wowed over! I loved every number. Blond Ambition is still my favorite though.
I love the Yokahoma version the most! But this show features a very porcelain figurine, which is extremely polished up to perfection. Her teeth are pristine and capped, and her porcelain makeup shows a very sexy yet clean lady!

MadTV QVC: Border-line Fashions

I love this clip simply because it banishes stereotypes. In 2006 for the summer, I went to Long Beach. Sadly it was night time, when my ex-friends drove me to their sappy home! I wanted to see fruit sellers! Were they real, or a lie?! Frown. Goddamn we had to drive past Inglewood, which really didn’t look too bad for a hood!

The next time I saw the freeway off-ramp, was when I left. It sucked since; I wanted to see men selling “fresh” papayas and big oranges on the coast of the highways! DAMN! I think the only Latino’s I adore at this time is: Mario, Oscar De La Hoya and Jesse –allegedly Latin- Metcalfe!


I enjoyed my Thanksgiving of Corn Nuts –yes Heathers fans it was BQ BITCH!!!!!- and cookies! Don’t miss this film! It truly is a work of art!

Kiss of Fire

A Shade Shadey!

Well it looks like EV3 is EV4 once again.
I love them! Well all I can say is, believe in God and love... Struggles are supposed to make you happy. I learned from Anna Nicole this prompt lesson. Before Howard Marshall, she was in the skizz with poorland! I don't know her whole story, but TV-mini biographies have told me that she was a working destitute for years until she got married to H!

If she could live poor, and then rich later, then I know I can make it! Proposition #8 still has my mind!!!! I hate it! God I hope it will fail! I'm sick of the retard crap! Anyway I love makeup! Cover Girl really is my favorite brand! I know people call it a loser brand, but I love it!

Their compacts are the bomb! I wish they would make a very thick coverage base for facial hair! Pan-stik is boring to me! Dermablend seems very dull to me! Sure it works for many people!

Sensual intercourse!

It's been a long time
I didn't think I was
Going to see you again
See you haven't changed
It's good to see you anyway

Girls I did my thang this morning. No not sex…but I wish! I was so nervous, but I straitened ma haieyer! The relaxer was so creamer and I loved it! It did a great job. Not a trace of curl or frizz! I’m getting back into my Fashion Mode again! STUD role! Review of my experiences with relaxers!!!!!!


I thought this would flatten my curls cause it’s so strong! However, instead my hair fell out! That was scary as hell, since my hair was bruised and muddled!


My hair was smooth –especially with that sexy lotion they get- but the curl returned in less than 24 hours!


It gets the job done! But not to exciting! It’s very mild, and quite safe!

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Thursday, Friday, Saturday love
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Thursday, Friday, Saturday love
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Thursday, Friday, Saturday love
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Thursday, Friday, Saturday love


Got the job done and my hair is straight and bowl! It got rid of a TON for curl around the nape of my neck!

For always and forever
You will be my (you will be my)
You will be my (you will be my)
You will be my (you will be my)
Be (be my Saturday love)
My Saturday love

Do do do do
Let's sing it together

Never on Sunday, Monday's too soon
Tuesday and Wednesday just won't do
Thursday and Friday, we can begin
But our Saturday love
Will never end, sugar

Love is fun!

Well, all my divas are around the age of 40! God, they still look young. If only they thought so too! I dread being 40 and not yet accomplishing my dreams!!! When it comes to looking IDK…79, it’s all about skin creams and a major face lift! Maury Polvich’s face work is hideous! All that money and he still maintains 60?! He’s such a bitchy fag, and yet I still love him!

Well I feel much better, and decided to let ALL gay-haterz make fun of us, until Pro. #8 has been litigated. It has a 50/50 chance of failure or eagerness. Do ya’ll like Equate products? It works for moi! I’m using their Noxzema knock-off and it is all that and a bag of mutherfuckin’ boy pussy up my rear and back!!!!!

Well it’s been a while since I had a man! 7 months! I’m horny as hell… SEX BABY!!!

I love me some anti-celeb sites out of camp! I miss “XXX-Tina Hate Humor Site”. The webmaster Jo made it very clear that Krissi is: a whore, a fag, non-Latin and a screacher on stage!! What really did my pussy over was Shelly, you idiot! Shelly Kearns allegedly had a Q & A board on LiveDaily.com, to answer all questions for fans. Not to mention she claimed that the board shut down, because non-fans were harassing her? If any of ya’ll knew the early Krissi page, you would see (LOL!) “Ask Shelly”!

Not to mention I cried when I saw “Vote for The Voice Within on Trl! Come on, just do it!” Jo’s faux Shelly journal makes it very clear:
Shelly attempts to be famous off of her daughter! HELL LOL! The site has been closed since 2003! The site ran from ’01 to ’03. Here are some memorable quotes from Sherlock Shelly:

“Scouring? Honey I just come on this page and answer questions, no scouring needed!”

“I need that uuh to get me off! That’s my saying and it should by yours (and your 2^nd grade sister’s) too!”

“Hell boys, girls and ex lovers! LOL! You think you can just sleep with me and leave the country the next day?! I have caller ID!”

“I had a weird experience while I was at the 7-Eleven last night! I was in line and I fell for the butch guy behind the counter. But when he lifted up his head, I spotted a lady under it! I’m bisexual! I’ve never slept with a woman- that’s if you don’t count all the women I’ve slept with?!”

Never!!

Well she’s done it again. Krissi has already left her legacy in music. However it looks like she’s putting out a hits collection for the fans. Back to Basics is still new to me! I think she needs to break for about 10 years!

Anyway I’m happy for her. I’ve pretty much accepted that Brit fans will always make fun of Krissi for being herself!!!
Why must they compare the two? It all started when Kris won Best New Artist at the 2000 Grammy Awards! They will ALWAYS call her a screecher, ugly, fat and jealous of Britney Spears!!!

It’s sad. X-Tina is a true artist!

How's Life

We all do it, and it feels so good! It’s called…telepathy. Now there is psychic telepathy (PT) –which I won’t judge- and there is telepathy, which we all experience. Such as, when we are eating breakfast, and we just know that our spouse needs more skim milk for his Froot Loops! The carton’s not done being filled, but we know what works for him!

You guys, my desert life period is going much better. When you PAUSE…you just let that button stay pressed, until God is ready to unplug it! Imma tell you all a story! Candy, the neighborhood girl –growing up- had a trampoline. If you wanted to use it with her, than you had to bring a parental note! My friend Linda and I were bored on Saturday, and it was like 4:45pm and we wanted to have some fun. We were also starving!

Me: Did you want to go to Candy’s house to jump on her trampoline?!
Lin: What! Who the hell is that!
Me: She has this big one, but there is only one thing?!
Lin: Um…
Me: We need a parent’s signature to use it!
Lin: Aww man! I wanna play fun on it!

*Run run, and brings back book!*

Me: Here! (slamming the book on the dinner table) I can forge a copy of my mom’s signature onto a note for us!

*After a critique of how to write it…seconds later*

Lin: (After feeling left out, and yearned to help me!) Let me copy that!
Me: Okay!

We both prayed, and left the house. We didn’t even question it! We walked to the house nervous as hell! Umm…it slipped our mind, that her house was like a 30 min. walk away!!! Knock knock, and Candy appeared. Linda presented her with the note, and Candy went in to ask her folks?? Minutes later Candy tells us, “Let’s go!”

For two good hours –or it seemed- Linda jumped gleely, with an addition to me! I think I did it mainly for her! I had fun, but we both lost ourselves on that big tarp! We leaped and jump for our lives! This was a cult fav to us! I mean, these are moments, which are the funniest in life! Let me explain, Linda and I had no life growing up. We were both gay kids, who were hated by everyone around us!!! So this was a real treat!

We forced ourselves to leave, since it was getting dark! At 7:30pm, we thanked Candy and left… We had a blast, and went home!

In my Time!

When hell gets me down, I always forget just how much of a child I am to God. How important I am to Her, and just how much she blesses me! The hottest time had as a young adult-as well as the hardest- was the second semester of my junior year. Although it was hard and such a downer...I realized in my person time that, if I'm to be a boy in the adult world...!

I'm going to have to ALWAYS realize just how much God loves me! I lost that once I got a job after high school! I thought I could take over my life. I was in secret and somehow my life became a mirage for some reason!

Reacted to the fact on how you make me act
Shy but sexy at the same time
Always on my mind was a little bump and grind
Usually I don't play it that close, youz gots to kick it with me
Before I serve you up with an overdose, of the Silky, little mommy
Make you my man, ain't got no love for nobody else but you

That's my song of that year! I cry...my Dessert Life keeps getting more harsher! But I'm beginning to realize once again! Just how much my God truly knows me, blesses me and luvs me! That I never really knew until now!

Waiting Forever!!!

Why..? I believe in love. It's very hard for queers to express themselves in my work. Did you know, that when you’re fed up with the twirls in your life, that you can ask God for a savings… Left he went. You can’t always trust the ones who love you. They may truly hate you.

I babble. Everyone has a way of coping with a Desert Life Trial! I love the great ways to express it! I’m almost done with mine, and I can understand when someone has just finished theirs! I understand that the air is clearer, and you just don’t care about things which used to get on your nerves, like before!

I'm waiting for that time to happen! God my trials are knocking off one bi one!!!!! In the meantime all I can do is cry...

Hi girls,

Well I’m coping with my desert trial okay. I’m still going through the cranks of the roost of it, IE The Glamazon! It’s a very hard period for me, since I don’t know left from right most of the time! However, I know I will move with my life.

You really can’t be happy, until it’s all over! I read that some people really feel deep into a well of tears. Almost suicidal to get to the point! But once you overcome it, you feel so much joy and freedom!!! It’s meant to heal all wounds from all your past lives!!! I wish all people –who are going through this- luck!

Everybody is a star, you know who you are
This is your chance to shine
It's got to come from the heart, do it right from the start
And step into the light

Dreams...

who's that dying,
trying for a space in the cage you call your life
who's that crying
crying out just what it is you've thrown away

My friend Linda and I went to a party where there were tones of drugs going on. Everyone was doing pot, and I was given a white paper pipe. This guy kept refilling, but I couldn’t puff. I wasn’t into drugs. Linda –a lesbian- used to take drugs, but she quit. However I refilled some “vodka” and gave it to her!

Then we left…We arrived at a white hall and walked up the flight of stairs. There was a bathroom in front of us, and a boy version of Total was getting ready up there. They looked fine, with their clothes off! Muscley but soft. We joined the other groups down the hall to the left of the bathroom. There were about to perform, and they fired their manager on the spot!

Linda and I –after everyone left- walked up another flight of stairs –into the wall. We then ended on the 3rd floor, and entered a very white room, where an after concert partied attended. Everyone was in an orgy mess. The singers were all wearing white thick thongs, and their hard and soft bodies were unique. I was hard.

Then Linda went for a smoke with a girl at the party, on the roof! No they wasn’t fuckin’! However they were romantically linked. The party moved, and only me, Niles –the ex-manager- and some dark man in a black business suit, were left into the room. I felt a need to leave, and I fled from the glass –white framed- doors. Outside, I spotted two black men coming out of a Jacuzzi room naked with only jeans halfway on. They were slim and their asses were hard and fat- which I found hott!!!

Their fag hags came out as well. The men began to undress and they had on very sheear’thin white g-strings on! One had curly strawberry hair, and the other had a short black flat top! I passed them and ran up the stairs, which then lead to a stack of stairs, which went downward!

I ended up in front of the bathroom, and two men were on the stairs. I fled into the bathroom, and turned on the light. It wasn’t brite as before! It was dim! I was in that bathroom and I felt this scary psychic felling…like I was in danger from the outside world or inside realm of knowledge! A Seraphim flashed and I never saw it again…. Done!!

Just like HIM?!

My goal in life is to run to Disney World! Once my savings fund reaches $10,000! You know, I want it all when I go there! I want me and my boy to eat all the Disney food we can gorge! Not to mention –don’t worry Tink I'll be there soon- I’m going to stay for the Tinkerbelle Finale!

Two years ago, my family and I went –my shitty family- to Disneyland! Now I was going to go shopping and get my Princess Poster in pink, and enjoy Captain Eggo- or whatever the hells it's name is. I had my own itinerary! Those plans shot straight to hell real fast! I was stuck in Kiddie Town, which I was happy about! So cute were the houses, and that sexy tan man with leggs!!!!!

I starved all day, while some of my shitty relatives ate pasta at the café! I wanted my special Disney soda there, you know the ice cream float! I missed Space Mountain, because I got laid. But I saw Alice –that nasty ho who I love- walking around! She’s so curt and pretty! Aurora and her boytoy were WOW! He and I had a second of a stare with eachother!

Oh well, I forced myself onto that pink teacup, before it got robbed from a loser! I spun, and LOVED IT! Very fast and fun! I’m going to Disney World to ride the BIG KIDS RIDE! And eat them jumbo hamburgers, fries and Strawberry Milkshake! YUM!

Than I was forced to go hungry and thirsty until all day and night! Oh, the parade was all that! I loved Arial and he fins. Her float looked so REAL, and I loved my Ursula! I got a Princess Lollipop –yea from the vendor whore, so!- and some kid dropped broke it to shattered pieces! It was the rainbow ones, and not the creamy strawberry.

Finally I got a bottle of water at night before the Tinkerbelle Show –curtsey of a shitty relative- and I almost had to refill it at a sink! YUM! The Tinkerbelle Finale was hot! I LOVED IT, and the firecrackers were so wondrous against the horizon! She was pretty. But this Mexican man –mediocre sexy- kept brushing his let against mine, while glaring at me- Are you faggot?! Looks like I almost get sexed AGAIN that night! After that I was happy to leave after such a fancy Grande Finale! My day was made! NOT REALLY!

My shitty relatives had to ride Space Mountain, while I had to WAIT! However that day I loved the Prehistoric Roller Coaster! I LOVED IT! I truly do believe in Prehistoric Mammals underground- DEEP UNDERGROUND! However I had to WAIT and fuckin’ ride the Indiana Jones boat ride, which was fun- at fuckin’ 5pm! But I loved it- really I did! So homoerotic and sexy!

I'll be buying my *Tink* *Tink* film…


This is the only existing blog that I use now! I left my MySpace page! Don’t worry, you’ll find out who I am warm very soon… Also, one other thing, I still love my myspace...

The Other Side...

Let me kiss it

I'll make it better

And then tonight

You will forget her

Control your soul

Let me control it

Control your soul

Let me control it

My Desert Period is going far. I realize that I can’t grow, and evolve unless I solve the question which God has put in front of me! You have to answer the call or else, you will be stuck!

I’m using the Book of James for help.

http://www.biblestudyinfo.com/james/intro.shtml

This site helps me, because it lets me know that James is actually a Pagan Ritualist…
He taught a very important Gospels…Faith with confusion causes downwardness..!

“But let him ask in faith, without any doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven by the wind and tossed. 1:7 For let that man not think that he will receive anything from the Lord. 1:8 He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

Lately I haven’t’ bought any porn! I love porn, but my budge won’t allow it! Besides I have quite a needy collection already!I love online shopping! Umm…I carry lip gloss around with me! I’ll use lipstick soon after I suck a cock luv~! I love lip plumpers from the drugstore. Who gives a shit if it isn’t collagen! I’m like that! Can you understand me..?

I’m the luckiest by far…

Hello bitches,

My birthday was fun! All I did was read a book for gay people! My bus took eons to arrive at my town… First off my bus was 45 minutes late, that bitch!!!! Next, I had an awful dinner of meatless stew- I’m a college student!

These guys, who have a crush on me, hate me for having a new boyfriend- who really is a friend of mine! I’m an adult so I act like one. But many students at my school don’t grow up, and I feel sorry for them! There’s more to life than living by what other people think of you!

I’m going through what most people refer to as a Desert Life Period! I’m slowly learning that no matter who anyone says, you have to be who you are, no matter what individual had said! I hate that, but I’m passing my Desert Life very fast! Other than that, I’m very happy I got past a very event. THE BIRTHDAY! I feel empowered especially since I’m a Fall Creature!

Gambler, gambler

I'm a gambler, and I will take you by surprise
Gambler, I'll aim this straight between your eyes
Gambler, yeah I know all the words to say
'Cause I'm a gambler, I only play the game my way, yeah

Don't want to say this but I think that I should
I'm better off forgotten if you think that I'd be good
One day you see me the next day I'm gone
Don't fight me baby I don't want to hold on
I'm a gambler, a gambler

You're not happy with the way I act
You better turn around boy, don't look back
You're getting angry, you know I can see
You're just jealous 'cause you can't be me

You can't stop me now
'Cause I'm right and I'm making advances
Let me show you how
Tonight, I'll be taking my chances
On you, on you, on you, on you, that's right baby

I'm a gambler, gambler
You understand what I'm talking about?

I'm a gambler, a gambler
Gambler, 'cause I'm a gambler

You can't stop me now
I'm on the road baby I know how
You can't stop me now
Oh no

You can't stop me now (repeat 3 times)

'Cause I'm a gambler, yeah I'm a gambler
That's right baby

Hi!

Love will find a way (How do you know)
Love will find a way (How can you see)
I know it's hard to see the past and still believe
Love is gonna find a way
I know that
Love will find a way (A way to go)
Love can make a way (Only love can know)
Leave behind the doubt
Love's the only out
Love will surely find a way

Tomorrow is a special, where I turn a year older! *no applause* I will be fine and I can't wait for all the exciting things, Fate has in store for me in Life. I don't celebrate birthdays in a traditional sense. I acknowledge!!!!

Vicky: Age truly is a state of mind. However I think its sad when old ass people can't see THAT WITHIN?! It's your fault if you allowed your looks to go..! There's youth inducing products to help you stay young, not to mention exercise! Or go walking while you bastee!

Believe me, if you have an agenda -OMG Versace is calling to me, to go in (RuRu IE. Rose) - then your walk can be stimulating!

Oh yeah, pizza and Bud-Wizer and Charmed is the only way to celebrate my birthday! No desert until tommorow morning...afternoon...

My summer beach house...my dream!!!!

Love will find a way, (A way to go.)
Love can make a way, (Only love can know.)
Leave behind the doubt;
Love's the only out;
Love will surely find a way.

Someday this will be my dream summer home for me and my partner!!!!

Subliminals!!

Dreams, dreams, dreams of fucking an R & B...
Dreams of fucking an R&B dick
Dreams, dreams, dreams of fuckin and R&B...dick

I was driving downtown, and I contacted Dill to find out where he lived?! Oh I you’re in the right vicinity, but I live on the western part of my town. Okay. It’s really easy to drive to, just drive to the western side of town!

So I drove past the breadery bakery, and I appeared at my friend Jona’s house! He lived across from a lake, where the sky was purple, with a full/half moon showing in the lighted night..!

I walked in, and we conversed a lot- very JM. He began dancing to some sitcom on UPN right in his living area?! He was shaking that asstey in his blue jeans! I thought he looked rather idiotry!

We then went out in tha night, and started walking away from his house. I told him I was confused, and if he could help me find Dill’s house?!

We walked around the block. You see, him and a row of houses lived on the same street!! A parking row-geerage existed in the back like ah duplex!

His father was walking in the backdoor of their house, carrying a HUGE jar of Mayonaise! NO Brands my sexers! From some reason, Jona took the jar from his pop! I was scared to jump into his Bronco, but he welcomed me in! We drove for years around Dill’s neighborhood, and...well…we never found his house.

However, Jona thought that we could visit him at his job…Dill worked the nightshift at the shopping center! So we walked in the otherside –the farthest side- of the shopping center, and we entered this hall, a very long one!

There along the walls, malls were opened, with people selling ANYTHING from TV’s, techno fabrics...so on.

As reached halfway through the walkway, each side of the walls contained pornographic posters of gays, transexualls, and FISH- ick! Like Mary Carey! As we got closer through the pavullion, more techno portraits were being sold! You know Jona I said…this place is in the making of a stadium -TOUCH DOWN AND SWHORE!!!!!!!-(VERY REAL) the way they selling thangs?!

Finally we reached The Fabric Storefront, and for some reason, Jona ran to the center of the store, where all the ready-to-buy periwinkle chiffon dresses –with grandma sequin violet collars- were waiting to be sold! “Fabulous gurl”, is all I could hear from Jona as I looked at the gowns in utter right!!!! Don’t you love this gown!! Isn’t it hot?!!!!! I thought....buy them!

Did we forgot the reason, why we even went there?! We were there to pick up Dill for some strange reason?! Lunch?! Jona went to the dressing rooms in the room diagonally to us in the lobby, and ran out minutes later! All the while I was looking at all the silk refiners -cloths- the shop had!! Here I come! He just came out of the dressing room, when the manager had the gerve -the breader (allegedly)- to call him, well say to him: You look faggety!!

She looked like Jasmine Guy wearing the white tassels and chiffon for her “Another Like My Lover” video! The white was puke sky blu-ick like a dyke! I thought she looked trashy!!!!!

As he changed I continued to look at the beaded strands of onyx velvet with silver stones on them! Fabulous!! Then all of a sudden, this styrang riot took place outside the store, and it got into the shop! All these young -twentysome- clubs kids started fighting and thrashing around!

Seconds later –after the crowd started to clear the store- Jonas came out with the manager pushing this flamer out on a red hearse- the funeral kind! I look FAB!!!! She looked like The Black Hooker!

On and on, you know you can't resist
So let your head knock back and look foward to this,
Miss???

After a stroll around the store, she dragged off back in the dressing room! Minutes later, she walked back in mens clothes, then we walked out of the shop! And to the van we went!

As we got into the van, I suggested, Hey why don’t we check- I think you dropped me off at Dill’s house, and my care is there?! Yeah I think that’s the one! I didn’t know where my slut mobile was at?!

We proceeded to drive around Dill’s neighborhood continuously at -1am??!!!- swirving around his supposed hood! I woke up!

Break!!!

Hello ladies and gents…umm, I have a few blogs happening, and it gets really strenuous updating them continuously. Nearly every day I check my blogs and occasionally post.

I have an official blog, but it’s hard to always access this blog site at any public place. I’m a student and not all colleges support certain free-sites. I’ll continue to blog, but eventually I’m going to say me departing words, and leave a link, which will transfer ALL OF YOU to my REAL blog.

The only post I will take with me, is the:
Mark-D-Rick blog. The only one…

Later…

(Upadate: the D-Dick chat is for anyone who wants it. I'm not taking it all you sexy radio/disco diva hosts!)

Courage!

Why is it, that we go through hell and feel so abandoned! We feel like there is no hope in the world! That God has left us totally?! That’s how I feel lately. I’ve had miracles granted, but the latest HORROR is so painful!

I know I’ll go on and my bad years will leave…but the existence of experience is horrible. I can’t hold on…but I know I will! It’s my will to be strong. But as a teen I NEVER suspected that my young adult years would be such painful!

But I will move on. I know that soon, all will be glorious!

The Voice Of Enigment!

Good evening
This is the voice of Enigma

Something kinda Nastaay!

Hello, my God I feel like I have typhoid- so pray for me- and I feel crippled! My head is in pain, and I have college classes to attend! Anyway, it’s the mall for me tomorrow! Yes, I’ve seen The Intern, and I have to admit:

I loved Jason Ridge’s ass smacking body and lips! And TOES!!! I don’t lick that, but I do admire it! Michael is nice with his hott fat ass! It's even sexier if he got circumcized, cause I love you! It's for health!

Turn off the light,
take a deep breath
and relax

start to move slowly,
very slowly
Let the rhythm be your
guiding light

I would like to formally apologize to Michael Lucas, if he read what was above. I love ya!

Witchboard 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxb0PBxaw_I

Shake your Love! I love Debbie Gibson! I am back and yes, thing are getting rocky for me! However I’m back and blaaack! Sorry Blaine Edwards. You know you SEXY! And Antoine, you are gorgeous!

I love the sexy mens on this site. So graphic, and sexy like the François Sagat mens, with his cunt looking all fresh! Honey can you do me and the world a favor and never stop fucking?!!! How about Hott Fuck Jason Ridge?! Nice ass, worth smacking!!!

BIG!

Fundamentalist Religion is so quick to condemn someone. They teach about a loving God, who’s all accepting and forgiving. BUT they say that gays will go to hell because God hates them!

That’s not the love of God. That’s bigotry. I think of Kim when it comes to this.
She’s condemned via hate mail and death threats. Is that the love of Christ? NEVER! If she’s such a sinner then why is she filthy rich and successful? Simple, she loves. Love is God. Hate is human error.

Kim is a success because she is color blind and loving. Remy Martin wants to be mainstream but she’s prejudice. She’s called Kim “Michael Jackson” and says that she’s a white girl.

Now why would ANY white person want to buy her record, when she’s a bigot? Hip Hop records are bought mostly by whites. That’s why LKZ is such a failure. All the black people on there hate on her for looking more European! It’s ignorance I tell you!

Only when I'm dancing can I feel this free
At night I lock the doors, where no one else can see
I'm tired of dancing here all by myself

Well I hope Loren is alright. Yesterday I bought a bottle of lotion called: Panrosa Rose lotion. I used to use Palmer’s and Naturally Right’s tangerine/melon body butter. But I got tired of it! 99-cent beauty care is worth is some of the time!

That’s where I got my lotion from! It smells great, and feels great! 99-cent lotion is the future for me! Also I bought this Colgate-like toothbrush made from a brand called Milan. It’s healing my gums…



I’m really into Blair Witch 1 & 2! I do believe that both films are reality!!! I didn’t watch Book of Shadows until 8 years after it was released. I’m glad I waited! I wasn’t ready for the video then. But I am now. I bought Blair Witch, when it was 1st released to VHS. Funny thing is I thought it was just a making of the film. I didn’t think it was the actually video, since I expected the film to be a motion picture????

The next morning as I watched it, my sister told me it was the movie!!! She seemed really proud of me too! I didn’t get the movie then. I believed that is was fake? Now that I’ve grown, I realize that it is REAL! Even though it was sad what happened to Heather, I do thank her. Her documentary proved that there is a Blair Witch out there!


^^^^Isn't that guy fucking HOTT?! I'd rim his ass! Even if it was musty smelling & sweaty!

Charmed was a viable way for Wicca to become mainstream!!! It’s a practice, and it’s time that people get through their HEAD that there is NO Satan and that Satan doesn’t control the Supernatural! Anyway, I’m a Blair Witch-ite!

The Gospels!!!!

“A queen is not a queen, because she is felt
But a queen is a queen, because failure has not stopped her”

A real diva doesn’t let the world get him/her down… She endures…not matter what! And they stand up glorious and say: Here is Me!!! I love my tranny women!

Jellissa Jaconi, just to name one of them…
Well I’m in love with Wong Foo! Yes I will buy Priscilla one day. The pink deluxe edition! I have an ex-Mormon friend named Loren. He finished writing about book about being secretly gay, while being Mormon and serving as a missionary!
Imma break it down like this! I’m very mainstream and pop! He’s very underground! He knows the gay scene from Under There! He’s officially my ticket to what’s hot in Gaydom! But we haven’t spoken for while, since that altercation with bitch ass Sina! Anyway I cooled our relationship down since, and he is finding the right time to get back to me!

He taught me to love Wong Foo, and accept it FULLY as a gay film!
Its disco-ey and funny! Anyway he four publishers rejected his manuscript, saying the he needed to touch it up. It’s still very rough endish!

Wave my hair!

As you all know already I went through hell from 2003 to 2007! My spirituality was robbed and I was part of the wrong religion! My natural cure to keep me in Nirvana was music. I’ll tell you this; Fundamentalists tell you that certain music is of the devil. So I no longer listened to Kim, Pure Moods, Madonna and any other of my other favorite artists!

Now that I’m no longer Mormon, I decided that in order to get back on track and evolve I need to grow again with my musical roots. After all, I’m going to be a singer one day! I’ve always been in love with New Age, Pop, Dance and Rap!

I’ve found Light in all of these genres. Real geniuses come very rarely and I’ve listened to their music. Here are a couple of the songs, which are helping me to get Nirvana back:

Jean-Michel Jarre - Oxygen IV Pigeons
Deep Forest - Sweet Lullaby

Music is a metaphysical healing for me.

I’m a Metaphysicalite! One page, which has helped me, is Crystal Links: (http://www.crystalinks.com/). I used to think Ellie was a quack, and devil! But NOW I have the utmost respect for her. I totally get the whole concepts of crystals and colors.



Before my Mormon transformation, I was just reaching into my Metaphysical aura. But then I became a Missionary, and was taught that anything mystical was of Satan. But I realize NOW, that without that mystery side of me, I will fall to diver’s ways…

It's unnatural!

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like: eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children: Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children- because straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since- Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and- it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because: the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion: In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that: hanging around tall people makes you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because: a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.
10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home: That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and: we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer lifespans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because: a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.

NO ONE is a master of you, except for yourself!

Courage

Courage, your word
Didn't come, it doesn't matter
Oh courage, my word
Didn't come, it doesn't matter
Courage, it couldn't come at a worse time

Well I’m getting in touch with the Gospels, and it helps to uplift me! It teaches me that I’m strong willed and that I’m fabulous! I realized that Kim has been through so much drama and yet she still stands in Victory!

Fuck Fauxy
Pussy ass Mafia
Her bitch ass beating boyfriend
Biggie cheating and marrying Faith
So on…


She’s a survivor! Do you how long it has been since I really enjoyed her Gospels?! I was once a Mormon and a Missionary. I though that it would make me happy? It didn’t… Instead He allowed me to realize after so long, that I truly was who I am now. I will always be this way…the ignorance of Fundamentalist Christianity may hurt my people… But eventually the Pure and Loving God will restore peace for Her gay children!!

Anyway, its spring and the Faerie’s allow me to realize that spring is a time of rejuvenation!


Fairy glitter sprinkles me dreams at night to let my unconscious know that I’m healing from my past scars from 2006 to 2007. I’ve been through so much hell and I held on to Her. She loves me…Her safety and her revelation to me, and caused me to heal and grow and mature with every day…passes.