Life is grand…

I spent all of last night and this morning crying. I wasn’t counting my many blessings! Last night I bleach the hell out of my hair for last time. I had an allergic reaction to the dye, and my scalp is a little stung. Somehow this fact woke me up to how blessed I am.

I dyed my hair all this time, to please men. But I realize that men love me the way I am. That sting woke me up bad! No longer was I going to hurt my skin! My skin is just fine though. You see, I have always tried to enhance my image, because I wanted men’s approval. I realize that I can end that notion..!

It’s a blessing to know that I’m every man’s Dream… I’m not thin or fat. But I want to be slimmer. I’m naturally rubenesque! I will always be a little chubby and I’m happy with that! This helps me to realize just how important my bf is to me! We will be together after two years? Only God can say…

We met 4 years ago. It was love at first site. He was tall, robust and overweight, but slim. I was large. We both thought we couldn’t have each other unless we lost weight. He became anorexic, and I nearly OD’d on diet pills. I quit, but not him! After some time, he came to his senses! I love him big and natural. Just like how he likes me!

I don’t have to be stick thin to please his senses. He loves me just as I am, and I was WAY bigger when we 1st met! Thanks! It was confirmed to me this past Sunday that Prop. 8 won! I was saddened, and I felt like giving up the cause! I was in a real bad place! But last night, after talking to God, I can understand why we gay men are so hated?!

We are Angels…literally angels. We are makers of our own Destiny, that the Universe did not –and never will- grant straight people. God created us different to be unique and save this world. We’re not feminine or masculine energy. We are real humans who change anything we touch for the good!

Sadly we are sometimes used to enhance The Straight Lifestyle. But yet we still fight for our own liberty. America will be a place for us One Day, to celebrate. Remember, this nation is still new, and history doesn’t tell of gay bills, that were passed in Lincoln’s time?! We are literal angels and True makers of God.

There is no greater compliment… Through thick and thin, I must always remember this, in my kind heart.

Hello people!

Well my friend introduced me to the Mathew Sheppard story! God it scares me since, hate crimes still occur. Gay Panic, is never an excuse! Well may he rest in peace! I’m sure he was a very nice man! I think his killers were both gay, and self-resented!

“Matt was like most young gay men I know, he had a great sense of humor and quick wit . . . On the outside he always seemed happy. He did want to fit in, and for the most part had no trouble doing so. He was always fun to be around . . . I never new Matt to be into party drugs. Matt was a typical young gay man, bitchy to those he did like and fiercely loyal to those he loved. Nothing less then a great kid.”

http://www.stophate.us/shepard/memories.html

The Sheppard’s – as far as the movie goes- appears to be the typical Christian family! Fundamentalist family! I’m a nice person, but yet I know some will hate me to an extent. But I still move on… At first, these kinds of parents, won’t understand, but eventually they accept!

Watching this story helped me to realize that, my father had always known! We went fishing, and I guess I was less than interested. Wasn't he scared to go fishing with me, in the middle of nowhere, with no one around?! But he fished and caught many fish! I just stood there, and gazed at the water!

Hi!

Count Duckula seems to have taken over my life?! Strange! I remember this cartoon from Nick Afternoons on Sundays!

I am feeling very sick today! I will sleep in tonight! Soon I will begin to dye my hair again! Isn’t Vicks great?! I love it! It’s pure black outside tonight! That is very SCARY! It’s a sign of change! Maybe bad, maybe good?! Mostly bad?!

I don’t know about your location, but many native settlers of America, believe that a black night is a horrid sign of change! It can affect your mind while you sleep, especially if you run into the wrong individual, who happens to not like you?!

I have a bad feeling about this night! If you ever have a bad feeling about black nights, then pray to the Lord! These nights are no accident!

Eyes without a Face...

I'm all out of hope
One more battle brave could bring a fall
When I'm far from home
Don't call me on the phone
To tell me you're alone
It's easy to deceive
It's easy to tease
But hard to get release

Hi everyone! Night is my time! I love Nature. Galaxy I mean! There are so many beautiful things in space!

Natures

http://www.millerscience.com/IMG_0638.JPG/IMG_0638-full;init:.JPG
http://cache.lifehacker.com/assets/resources/2008/08/lightning-at-sunset.png

Aren’t these pics of nature great?!!! I love the 2nd one! I would love to swim in the purple of that giant river?! I wanna live near a body of water, when I get my dream house. I was thinking of either living on the eastcoast –Puritan town- or in California!

Blissed..!

Sometimes I wonder what’s the point of promoting a healthy gay lifestyle, when so many gays hate themselves?! There isn’t THAT MUCH unity within our society. Example! I used to be part of a gay board, and we all know which straight guy celebs are –in actuality- gay men!

I mentioned one hot guy and I had like five people pouncing on me! If someone is gay, then why shouldn’t we welcome them?! I was later banned from the board, for reporting harassment from a moderator! To be honest, I just think the board was very homophobic –sad since it was meant for gay men- and I just happened to be very proud of myself!

The world adores gay romances. My best advice to any gay man is this: Don’t spend your life encouraging other guys to come out! It’s not going to happen that well! Instead ENCOURAGE YOURSELF…to be happy with a man, a job and a Life!!! You have only ONE Life, and you should live it!

I think God created for every gay man, a match to compliment him. Mine is still out there, and I know he will come to me –NO MATTER WHAT- when God sees fit! One more important thing! Love God, and let anything you can’t understand become his problem! He will answer you correctly –no matter what- at any time!

CRY!

Boy these holidays of this year, have left me very thoughtful! Well I made up with my parents, after a monthly feud! God it’s good to be back with them! God bless anyone out there who searches for the truth. Don’t settle just for one…whatever, you know what I mean! I was at Barnes N Noble, yesterday sipping on a mocha/raspberry frappy!
I hate that stuff, but I needed a pick me up!

I love Italian sodas. Well my friend from old, has returned to town. He’s sort of bonkers now! He’s paler than a ghost, and seems more lost than ever. I’m scared for him, what if he is in danger?! Funny, he came off as a nice young man, when I first met him?! He still is, but he looks like he just fell of a freight train! I feel sorry for him, I valued him so greatly!

He’s gay, and I pray his family didn’t commit him to a “straight-again palace”?!